2013 seemed to be the dawn of a new age for Indian women after the public outrage over Nirbhaya case and government’s prompt enactment of the Nirbhaya Act. But Hathras case has proved we are far from building a safe space for our women and children. Public or private.

I had written a series of blog posts at that point of time, buoyed by the hope that we women should feel safer now. How wrong I was. Just read this excerpt.

2013: A New beginning?

(This was the title of my blog. How misplaced it seems now.)

I was on a vacation with my family in 1st and 2nd week of January and visited both Delhi and Mumbai. The impact of the incident has been such that I saw a new confidence in girls at public places. At times it bordered on the aggressive but I must say I’d rather be aggressive than regressive. To begin with I’ll share one piece of conversation I overheard at a mall in NOIDA.

There was a group of college girls hanging out at the food court of the mall. One of the girls started off in the direction of an outlet to place her orders. One of her friends stopped her. This is the conversation exchanged between them:

2nd Girl: Don’t go right now; wait for a few minutes.

1st Girl: Why?

2nd Girl: Look at those boys. Don’t seem the good type to me. Let them move off and then we will go.

1st Girl: Oh! They dare not do or say anything now. I’ll shout once and the crowd will take care of them!!

I think the key word here is “now.” The confidence is in both themselves and others. We need to examine how well founded their confidence is. I have more to say on this matter so keep tuned for my next post. And with the Anti-rape ordinance in place, things look brighter and better.

2020: What Next?

Unfortunately, seven years down the line things don’t look brighter for girls and women in India. Rather grimmer. In a recent Thomson Reuters Foundation India survey, India has been ranked as the world’s most dangerous country for women, below even Syria and Afghanistan.

Parents and caregivers for children must act

Any change, if possible, must come from within. The family and the society. And it’s time we women stopped feeling powerless. Because as mothers it’s in our hands to nurture a society of gender sensitive boys and girls. It’s time to adopt gender neutral parenting to raise a gender neutral society. Otherwise no amount of laws and policing can curb the prevalence of violence against women.

As Gandhiji said,

We must be the change we want to see in others.

We must start behaving in a gender neutral way to expect the same from others. Before you protest to that, I request you to stop and think about it for a moment. If you have used any of these statements, you have behaved in a gender biased way:

  • Don’t stay out after dark; it’s unsafe
  • Don’t cry like a sissy
  • Be strong, be manly
  • My neighbour’s daughter takes care of her parents like a son

As I write this, the news flashing on my push notification is this – 13-year-old girl resists rape, set on fire by her employer.

Over to you

There is no better time to start taking action than now. Because honestly, it’s already too late.

As a responsible citizen and parent what do you do to raise gender sensitive children? If you care for small kids, how do you ensure that they don’t grow up into stereotypical males and females?

Leave your comments here and I would include that in my next article on gender neutral parenting. I want perspectives of people from different region, religion, caste and backgrounds so that we can draw up a holistic approach to it.

Waiting for your thoughts….