Since ages we have been told that change is the only constant in this world. Still, we are wary of changing ourselves – our behaviour, our lifestyle and the way we perceive things. 

The first time I started thinking about why people do not want to change was just after my marriage, when I wanted to start a fitness regimen but couldn’t. Nothing very drastic like joining a gym or running everyday for 5 miles. 

Just small little things that would keep me agile through the day and keep me fit over all. It took me 12 years to start doing yoga and walking. And I started exploring my own thought process over why I could start exercising only then and not earlier. 

I came to the conclusion that both times I did what I really wanted. 

The first time around it was more a matter of what I should do to be fit and look as slim as I had looked in my wedding dress. The second time around it was because my health was failing and I needed to be fit to continue functioning and carrying out my daily activities without any pain. Which was obviously a more compelling reason for me. 

Basically, when you are sold on the idea of changing yourself or your behaviour only then will you be able to make that change.

First you need a mindset change

For any change to happen, you must believe that you need that change to fulfill your own goals. As long as it remains someone else’s goal that you are fulfilling, the change will never happen.

If you consider my own example, I have seen many people exercising and dieting just to maintain a figure they can flaunt. For me that has never been a motivational factor and so that could never be the reason why I started exercising regularly. On the other hand, being healthy and free of all physical ailments was always my priority. I have spent my entire life seeing my mother in and out of hospitals. So I’m very alert about my own health. I do not want to be in a position where I am spending lots of time in hospital or tied to the bed. 

Until and unless you own the need to change as your own goal you will not be able to start changing. 

Don’t think even for a moment that I am that superwoman who can be the change she wants. I still struggle with managing the finances of my freelance business, Because in the deepest of my heart I still feel that someone who is an expert in this should be able to take care of this. I should be focusing on my core competence and not worrying about the cash flow and P&L statements. Cash flow, yes, cash flow statements, no.

What you can do about it. 

Think why you want to change. Keep asking why for every statement you come up with till you reach to the bottom and there are no whys left to be answered. 

And then ask yourself if you want to do it because of external pressures like family, society, boss, colleagues, etc. If you realise that you want a change just to gratify someone else, forget about it immediately and stop berating yourself for it. 

But if you realise that this change is essential for your own sake, own it up and start taking steps to materialize it.

But the war is not yet won.

And then there is the laziness of status quo

Do not think that once you have owned the goal to change as your own, you will be successful. You will have to cross another hurdle – your own laziness – before any real change can happen. 

We are used to living in our comfort zones. We do not want the status quo to change, whether it is our personal lives or professional. People have lots of fancy names for this but i call it pure laziness. Because changing the status quo takes time and effort, which we keep avoiding for one excuse or the other.

What you can do about it.

Find some time in your calendar and schedule time for the new task or activity. When you get the reminder for starting, you will not have any excuse left. It will be something like I don’t have anything else to do so why not try this. Also, your muscles are used to doing whatever comes up in your calendar and hence you will do it. 

Of course, before you actually reserve time in the calendar you will need to break down the change you want to happen into small doable tasks. For instance, if I want to get on top of my financial statements (it’s on top of my mind in 2021!!), I will need to first enroll in a course. And before I enroll in a course I must do some research online as well as offline. So in my calendar I will schedule some time to research and come up with a list of five courses. When you are specific with your aim you will find it easier to attack it with gusto.

The final hurdle – your environment

I would be dishonest if I said that I did not start any exercise regimen because I was too lazy to start exercising. My schedule from morning till late at night, which included taking care of a toddler, did not leave me with much time or energy. For me it was my kid, for you it could be a punishing office schedule or or something else.

For many of you it could also be that those around you are scions of maintaining the status quo and the moment you suggest any change, they try to hold you back. Because when you change, everything around you will change  and they will also be affected. 

Say, you want to start on your long cherished dream of becoming a painter. You have decided  to start with the neighbourhood painting classes and take it from there.  This will change the routine of the whole house at least. If you work and you need to go in early to accommodate your painting classes, the status quo at the workplace will also change. That’s why the resistance from those around you.

 What you can do about it

Consider how the change you are contemplating will affect your daily activities and the routine of those around you. Talk to them and make them understand how important it is for you. With a bit of time and patience they should come around. Try talking to them with more confidence and they may just come around.

However, if you do not find success it might be more difficult for you but don’t give up yet. You should think of bringing in the change without affecting those around you. It might need a bit of manoeuvring on your part but it is possible. 

And let me assure you that when they see how the change is affecting you for good, they will onboard willingly.

Remember what I said in the beginning. Everybody knows that change is the only constant and if we want to better ourselves, we have to change. It’s just they lack the willpower to change themselves. And who knows, with your example those around you will also find the strength to change themselves for good.

So, what next

Just reading my experiences and what I learnt from them is not sufficient for you to bring in the change you badly need in your life. I am sure that you need that change, because I firmly believe everybody can better themselves. 

Go back to the beginning and start implementing the first step, that is finding out if the change you want is for yourself or to satisfy the wishes of someone else.

 Let the new year 2021 be the beginning of a new you.